Cold feet
by Daddysadist
Summary: Stefan and Caroline are taking Damon and Elena's couple therapy session since they are the 'couple goals' couple of town, however, things take another turn when instead of fixing Steroline relationship, Delena finds a few things wrong with their relationship. AU/AH


It had been a positively quiet morning, till that horrible news broke, Damon's five months pregnant wife had announced how she had invited over his brother and his brother's fiancé over brunch to what his beautiful wife called , an up close and personal look on their marriage to help them both with the sudden cold feet three weeks from the marriage. The matter was as simple as Stefan not charging his phone before heading out to the bar with his friends. Caroline had been texting and calling through out, which obviously went unchecked and caused this calamity, the confusion of whether if she wanted to get married to the man who infuriated her by his ignorance.

"I don't think it's a good idea." He said picking up the dishes after breakfast. She shrug, "It's not the first time you've devalued my ideas, I am not surprised, all you men-"

"This is exactly the reason why it's a bad idea." He interrupted her , walking over to the sink where she was standing and held her hands, "You keep listening to all of your girlfriend douchebag husband and boyfriend rants, and then you to take it out on me."

She cocked her head to a side, "Damon this is me being honest, remember when we said we'll be honest with each other? Besides, I have noticed how you keep turning down all my ideas."

"Buying a $400 tech-trash can is not a sustainable idea." He grinned. She huffed loudly, "Those show maturity and class."

"And dumbass-ry for anyone spending that much on a self operating trash can, I can lift the lid, thankyou." He snapped then moved away, she pouted, "You weren't this way Damon, you've become this new person ever since I got pregnant, it's that because I am fat now?"

"What?" he turned back with a confused look, "That's the worst 'clap back' argument in the history of arguments, all you women come down to accusing us innocent men of calling you fat when we never did."

"Then why were your pupils so dilated when we went to Doctor Fells clinic last week, you wouldn't look away from her, they say the pupil size increase by 50% when you look at something-"

He interrupted, "Wait, Doctor Fell- as in the woman holding a creepy vagina model in my face when I just asked the position of the baby? Maybe my pupils were expanded because I was terrified."

She rolled her eyes, "You men are creeps, as long as it's porn and Friday night , vaginas is all you wanna see and seeing it scientifically and in an educational way freaks you out?"

"Well I don't wanna see the ducts and everything, if I wanted to see them from the inside I'd be a gynecologist-look what ever, we both know how much I respect women and all their body parts."

Her eyebrows raised to which he h+

issed, "That didn't came out right, but you get it right,. Besides I think our married life has been topping charts since the pregnancy, that's why we're undeclared, uncrowned kings of couples."

"You could have said queen." She narrowed her eyes adding, "If you're not sexist that is."

He nodded with a sigh , wrapping his arms around her waist, "Okay my lovely, Queens of couples and marriages and romance."

She chuckled, "And understanding."

He picked her up in her arms and she squealed as he started walking to the bed room with her in his arms-bridal style, "And negotiation." He put her on the bed, hovering on top of her, "You can rest my lady." He kissed her forehead, "I'll prepare the brunch for those two idiots so they can leave us alone soon and then we start our marathon." He winked stroking her cheek. She held his wrist making him lay by her side, "Don't make it already, stay." He smiled at her sweet voice and let his arm wrap around her body , he kissed her temple, "Angel , you know why we fight, it's-"

"You say stupid stuff Damon." She snapped interrupting. He clamped his mouth shut, giving up by resting his head on her shoulder.

…..

"It all started from the décor theme for the wedding, I want a lilac theme and he wants white, white is so old fashioned." Caroline looked at Stefan, who was sitting on the separate sofa, looking like a robot like stiff, "I thought white would be nice."

"You said lilac décor looks like a fungus." She snapped, Elena gasped, "What? But I had Lilac in my wedding- Damon loved it."

"It's beautiful." Damon added at once, "We don't have to re-do it right?"

"Uh no." she said annoyed, turning her attention back to Caroline, "That's not enough reason to 're-consider' your wedding Care, you cant expect your partner to be a hundred percent of what you are."  
"Yeah, you wouldn't last a day with a loud and judgmental person as yourself." Damon said sitting back. Stefan glared at him, Elena too looked at him with anger, "Damon!"

"Yikes." He faked being surprised then huffed, "Look the point is that you don't have to be alike to be in love, like Elena and I, we hardly like the same stuff." Then he looked at her , "Except the lilac décor, we mutually loved it."

"Right." She smiled, "See Care, Damon and i are nothing a like – he likes pickles and I loathed them before my pregnancy, he likes chocolate ice cream, I like fudge flavored, he likes classic movies and rock sometimes pop music and I like country or indie, he likes the left side of the bed and I like the right but isn't that good? I get what I want and he gets what he wants- I can tell you a million zillion things but at the end, I love my husband more and more every day."

"Baby-" he grinned holding out his hand for her, she smiled holding it as he pulled her to his lap, "You're so sweet , I love you."

Stefan scrunched up his nose, "Look can you guys solve our problem?"

"There is no problem stef, if you're sure about someone there is no problem." Elena said in a confident voice, Caroline shook her head, "But I am sure about him."

"Yes, I love her." Stefan raised his brows at them, Damon sighed , "Look Brother, cold feet are common before weddings, don't you think we had them? I legit had a" he saw his wife glare at him and lowered his voice "- a very mild confusion." He gulped seeing Elena getting off his lap and to the sofa, "What confusion?"

"Emm." He scratched his head, Stefan sat back with an evil grin, looking like an evil black cat.

"The confusion you ask- emm it was not the 'I cant get married- I can do better' confusion , it was more like 'what if I messed up' " he stuttered on his words, "But once I saw you that day, 'pooooof'."

"It better be that." She warned, Caroline interrupted, "Well didn't you book a single ticket to California after your bachelorette?"

"What?" Damon's jaw dropped standing up, "You were going to leave me at our wedding?"

Elena glared at Caroline and then got up, "No-no Damon, I was drunk when i booked that ticket, we were all drunk on my bachelorette."

Caroline chimed in, "And then when someone brought up how Damon sleepwalks, you got all ashamed of marrying him and were going to bail."

"Because I was drunk." She snapped at her blonde friend.

"I do not sleep walk." Damon said offended. The three other people in the room turned to him, "Yes you do."

"I would know if I did!" he shouted annoyed at them.

"explain why you woke up in the garage last Sunday?" Elena placed her hands on her hips, he shrugged, "A man needs to check on his car at 4 am duh, No, you know what even if I do sleepwalk- it's not as nearly disgusting as you eating things after the 'five second rule'. "

Stefan and Caroline gasped. She pursed her lips, "There is no five seconds rule."

Stefan pretended to vomit, "Oh yes there is."

"I cant believe you'd go as far as mentioning that one cookie I ate from the ground after the five second rule. You're heartless." She snapped. He raised his brows, "Not as heartless as someone who was ready to leave my ass at the alter because I allegedly sleepwalk."

"You remove the 'allegedly' when it's confirmed Damon." Stefan said in a low voice. "Shut up!" he frowned then turned to Elena, "This shows how-"

"How?" she said in a 'I dare you tone'. He spoke after a gulp, "How you focus on things that no one cares about- umm what's the right word, dramatic."

"I am not."

"Elena Salvatore is Dramatic." He said in a singsong voice, "Oh please I am not nearly as annoying as you." She balled her fists, "Elena clean the counter after you use the kitchen, this isn't a clean plate, you didn't wash your hands." She imitated his tone, "And don't even get me started on how much gay you are for that Camaro."

"I am not gay for it because it's not a guy, you would know that if you took time and listened to me talking." he got up from the sofa, "And besides the only reason you hate it because I didn't let you drive it."

"As if I want to." She got up too. "Once baby blue gets here you'll have to sell it anyways." He gasped, "What? i am never selling my baby, I will drop baby blue to school in that car, hell the day she gets married- we'll drive her to church in that car, when I am seventy and get a heart attack, take me to the hospital in THAT CAR." He emphasized loudly, her eyes had widened, "That's how much you love it?"

"Yeah."

"Well I uh- have to say that- it FUCKING SUCKS" she stomped her foot. He raised his eyebrows, "Oh no no don't go there- you know what sucks, the lilac décor , it sucked!"

Stefan got up enthusiastically, "I knew it- that color it looks like a sour medicine."

"It looks like a rotten eggplant." Damon motivated his brother while Elena fumed in anger, "You didn't!"

"I did." he smirked.

She shouted loudly in anger and Caroline had to hold her shoulders , she moved her away, "Let me tell you what sucks Damon." And he had to hold his breath because his wife had started talking, "That Hawaii shirt you got in the mail from Zack that you were going to wear that SUCKS, the new seat covers for your car SUCK , that lion roleplay we did last weekend – you sucked."

"You bitch!" he snapped, "You go after anything Elena , not after my sex game, it is me who-"

"You looked so dumb!" she rolled her eyes.

"I don't care what you say! I was the best Nala there ever could be! " his voice had a tinge of hurt in in and he didn't hear Stefan laughing at the back, sitting back on the blue couch behind him.

"You were Nala?"

Elena put her hands on her hips, "He can be a good Zazu- not a good Nala."

"Well sorry to disappoint you but you aren't a good Simba, all your roars are turn offs, they sound more like a kitten after a road accident." He snapped.

Caroline hissed, "You guys are freaking disgusting- of all the things you could do , you guys find a cartoon to jerk off to?"

"We would never!" Elena said loudly, "You know what this marriage is a mess- I am booking a single ticket."

"By all means." Damon grinned, "Dibs on the baby!" he said after a moment.

"You cant just put dibs on the baby, it's literally with me right now!"

"Already dibbed on it." Damon said in a sing song voice, "Baby blue is mine."

"Like hell it's yours , it's in my oven." She shouted again.

"Well its my dough!" he too shouted.

"Why don't you cry about it because I am not giving you baby blue." She touched her tummy, "Just because of the stupid lilac décor."

"Now it has desolved two marriages." Stefan said with sheer satisfaction.

Caroline shook her head, "You're such a jerk.- well okay we could go with white."

"No I think lilac looks better, huh, the color of divorce." He smiled.

"How about we go for Magenta?" she proposed. "Or rose gold." He too added.

"Oh my God rose gold would look so good." She squealed ignoring Elena and Damon's dead glares on them as she hugged Stefan on the sofa he was sitting on, "I don't even know what I was thinking you always have better ideas."

"Emm yeah lets get out of here." He kissed her cheek.

"No-no you settle this divorce first!" she shouted. "Fine – urghh Damon I don't hate your car, I am just pissed you don't let me drive it."

"Because you'll destroy it." He shrugged, she frowned, "ouch."

"Elena." he huffed and walked to her , he wrapped his arms around her, "God I am such a big jerk, I cant live without you or baby blue."

"We cant either." She smiled as he kissed her temple, "I don't hate the lilac décor, I wouldn't have our wedding any other way , I didn't even notice the décor, you were all I could see that day. My precious golden goddess." He kissed her forehead, "Nothing about you annoys me, it just hurt a little knowing you were going to abandon me on or wedding or were ashamed of me."

She shook her head, "Oh no baby, I was really drunk when I booked the ticket, the fact that you broke three of my favorite lamps during walking in your sleep might bother me , but it's okay- It doesn't change an ounce of my love for you." She pecked him and then smiled, "You really are the best Nala out there."

"Urghh the diabetes." Stefan groaned.

"I love you and our baby blue." Damon touched her bump. She nodded.

"Why do you call it blue." Caroline asked lying back against the couch.

Damon smirked, "We made it on a blue couch in our living room." Elena too grinned, Stefan looked around the whole room as Elena said, "and we haven't cleaned it since." She lied in teasing tone.

He realized the only sofa that was blue in the room was.." OH SHIT YOU GUYS!" he got up and started to rub his hands on his jeans, "EWWWWW DISGUSTING" the blonde too got up, They exchanged horrified looks and headed for the exit. When the door was shut , he picked her off the ground , she squealed , "Damon!"

"Role play weekend Elena." he said kicking the door to their room open.

"Oh slow down hulk."

"That's a good idea, we're doing hulk next week!" he kisses her smiling lips and dropped her on the bed, "Crazy, my crazy baby." She giggled pulling him down on her.


End file.
